Monday, September 26, 2011

Some things good and bad

We had water come into the house and some of my music gear may have been ruined. This is bad. I have been diagnosed with a type of cancer, this is bad. But I have some new musical ideas, the gear can be replaced, and the cancer can be treated. So these are mostly good also. But, my wife its a really mean and difficult person. So basically mean it astounds me at times. This is incurable, so that's bad. But it can always be worse, so that's less bad. Most good is some inspiration I have found recently. Nothing takes that away, so this is


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

wow, big "super-" sort of thoughts are catalyzed...

For the last many months, since about April, I have found myself on something of a "thought progression", it is an unusual progression and it now seems to have a more determinate direction, so I will recount it, hopefully briefly, because it was significant to me.

For lack of a better term, I had an experience that consisted of "racing thoughts about things that could be called intellectual religious concepts", if you are not a person of faith, and a "spiritual experience" if you are a person of faith.

There are components of each of these things in this experience, so I refer to both: neither is somehow 'inferior' to the other in my reckoning, but having had an extremely skeptical way of thinking in my early life, I recognize that many people don't believe in spiritual things. On the other hand, people who readily believe in spiritual things are often very quickly duped by people who know how to push those thematic buttons without including the "telelogical aspect" (yeh big word) and making it clear. At any rate...

In my case these things were intertwined, so that some "rational sense" could be made, but also some notion of it awakening a "heightened sense" of understanding.

I attribute this awakening pretty much wholly to a) the point of life I am in, as a father and adult, and general aspects of myself, particularly my intuition, which have gratefully formed over the years; b) the passing of my mother, which I experienced in the first hand, and a general growing sense of mortality; c) my interest and study in an open-minded way of the Bible and other religious texts, and d) my willingness to accept religious teaching as truth, that is, as being just as true as facts that I can sense or which can be proven logically.

All of the above are at least equal in their contribution to this "awakening" (and I know I use air quotes a lot but the intent is to show that I am not attempting to be grandiose and also that the word doesn't quite fit) which actually involved what might be referred to as a delusion along with an underlying unfolding narrative about my life as it was leading up to my future.

More specifically, I was having some realizations at a level that I cannot access about what was going to happen to me, and these realizations coupled with some kind of directive that permitted me to glimpse some very esoteric and complex super-cosmic "processes" which are not only complex but extremely pervasively powerful and multidimensionally concurrent. The result was a set of internal "switches" that closed that in turn potentiated one another and resulted in this awakening, spirtual experience, gestalt grokking of the universe, or higher understanding.

It is not "enlightment", if anything it is a "re-directed heaviment" which compels me to areas of inquiry which are intellectual in nature of execution but spiritual in nature of result. In fact, one thing I need to avoid in this pursuit is the jumping to "ah ha" type intellectual conclusions based on evidence as I reveal it, that end up sounding like complicated conspiracy-like theories.

To summarize the awakening, it would be along the lines of "life is like a game, but not like a game, and part of the 'game' is to correctly divine the rules and the object at the same time you are playing the game".

So it is like a game in that it has rules or guidelines and an object, but it is not like a game in that it is serious: it potentially has serious physical consequences. However, it is like a game in that serious physical consequences are not as serious in regards to the achieving object of the game as you might think, which in an intellectual sense is much more frightening because it means that "material failure" can be of negligible detriment to the game while at the same time you are required to participate in the game, and so that success in the game may well require that you experience material failure.

But to be very clear, to call life a game is to trivialize it, and also the summary is to trivialize my awakening as to the nature of life. But a summary gives the casual reader an idea so it is ok.

Oddly enough, the catalyst for this was what I can really only describe as an insane confluence of things: 0) a reaction to some medicine coupled with a physical illness, 1) the NFL lockout, and the uncertainty and media excitement generated thereby; 2) Charlie Sheen's whole "I'm winning" episode, with attendant media repetition of bits and pieces of his ranting; 3) something I either misheard or misunderstood regarding the nature of a certain church-related event; 4) Easter and bible study, and, finally, 5) what I believe to an inner knowledge of something about my health that was noted subconsciously but did not register consciously.

What I mostly think is that my mind generated what I think could be referred to as a "delusion" in order to shield me and also steel me in a way that would reinforce me to withstand some future events. But, on the other hand, this delusion was perfectly operable: with some weirdness that was only noted by my family, I could function in my job and overall in the corporeal world. So it was like I was immersed in the practice of a very strange religion that required I participate in a couple of odd rituals and behaviors here and there but on the whole did not render me entirely, visibly whacko.

The delusion could be referred to as "The super-duper secret doorprize Church Pancake Supper revelation of Me aka Utenzil" and it was really very interesting: in parts amusing, saddening, painful, joyful, normal, abnormal, unusual, annoying, entertaining, terrifying and astounding.

But, importantly, parts of this delusion included some real truth about things. About BIG things. About a realm that I have come to understand as "absonite".

The long and short is that a) I was cured of the illness for which I was taking the medicine I had a reaction to b) I found out I have a more physically serious, but less physically affecting illness that it seems like I will need to get treated (but still need more info) and c) I'm much more OK with just about everything, much more ready for just about anything, and generally much more in awe with everything in life, everyone in life, and Everything Else.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

So... we're not gonna git it??

This is just a brief update on the whole Comet Elenin thing.

The interesting thing is that WHAT I PREDICTED CAME TRUE:

1) Comet Elenin *was* hit by a solar flare!
2) Comet Elenin *was* transformed!!
3) [only part of what i predicted came true of course, but you see you have to have this]


We won't get to see a comet in the night sky with the unaided eye.

I was actually kind of looking forward to seeing another comet, but it looks like that will be hard to near impossible with this one: it is faintly visible at best. I've gotten to see two comets in my lifetime very clearly with the naked eye, and Elenin had promise of being a similar spectacle.

But... just because it doesn't have energy in the visible spectrum doesn't mean it still doesn't have some kind of energy. WAIT... it could still have transformed into some superheated plasma type stuff!! YEH, not only is it still a threat (no matter what anyone who knows anything says), it's *invisible*.

So there is still time for my terrifying faux-prediction to come true. I suggest you mentally prepare by buying some of my music in the form of inexpensive downloadable mp3s!! While there's still an internet!!!!

Anyway, there you go.

Sunday, September 04, 2011

A Few of my Favorite Things...

There are people on twitter doing the "I Hate it When" thing. So, I will do the "I Like it When" thing here.

I really like pleasant weather. There are people who probably don't care about the weather hardly at all, it doesn't matter, they either are hardly affected or they workaround it when it is an obstacle, but I like pleasant weather and I am always grateful for it.

Another thing that I like, I like a lot, is when you go to the doctor and they help you get better. Sometimes you go to the dr. and it's like "well, it's a virus, it's going around" you can't blame the dr. but at least they know what it is. But other times you describe a problem and they prescribe a medicine or a treatment and it really works well and you actually get better.

I like it when I can spend money on my family and they enjoy what we get, like going out to eat, or something fun that is not too expensive.

When traffic moves smoothly, that is great. Like that a whole bunch.

A good conspiracy theory that I can use as an ego milksop, I really like those. For example, all of the people who are famous or powerful are so because they've cut some deal with Illuminati/Annunaki/Dark Side forces who will allow them to live large for a while until they are of no use, and then they will wither horribly into obscurity and death. So, even though I may be more talented and smarter than people who have much more notoriety and success, I am glad I have never made any such deals! (of course we all finally wither into obscurity and death, but anyway...)

I like it very much when technology works in a satisfying manner. It is just great.

When people read the same things you do, and you find that you can converse with them and it is interesting, that is really great. I enjoy that. I almost said something I don't like to contrast that to, but I won't do that. Suffice to say that discovering that someone is more like you than you realized and you have a good exchange of ideas is just great.

OK! that's enough of that. Have a good evening.