Wednesday, July 20, 2011

twitter and people and interactions and stuff

So I am liking twitter a lot now. A while ago, I did not. But now, I say anything there I want, about whatever I want, and people ignore or interact, and it is all fine.

There are famous people whom I admire on twitter. Ruth Buzzi (@Ruth_A_Buzzi) is one. She created some iconic female comedic characters, you should look her up when you get a chance. Albert Brooks (@AlbertBrooks) is another.

But it is the kind of non-confrontive, not threatening, optionally-committal interaction that an introvert like me can value and participate in.

Friday, July 15, 2011

My close encounter long ago

I will write this in a strange sort of mood, because I don't know if it is even worth repeating. It is a story that nobody other than I knows about. It is the kind of story that gets one labeled as a nut, but it happened to me. I cannot I prove it, though, other than to tell you it is my best recollection. It will sound like other, more disturbing stories of the same sort, but will have some details those do not.

I worked for a restaurant that delivered. This was in Texas, north of Dallas. It was a low paying job, a second job, and I did it for only some months because I made hardly any money at it, but I could eat inexpensively. This was during a very depressing time in my life, also, stop it helped to have something to stay busy at. It was an evening job.

One night, a warm night, I was making a delivery well out to the edge of te delivery area, to some apartments. As I drive away from the apartments, I noticed a very localized, strong storm to the north. I decided top take a detour towards it, out of curiosity. The weather in Texas was a source of some fascination to me - having no real understanding of how violent it could be, or dangerous: I liked the big thunder storms that could well up.

I will switch to telling the story in present tense, it will be easier to recount.

As I drive towards the storm, I see how unusual it is. It seems not to move. The lightning is very bright, but there is not loud thunder. I actually do not recall any thunder. I drive down a road that leads into a wooded area. The area that I had been driving through was a development, the outskirts of a development.this was in the mid 1980s, prior to cellphones. My thought is that I might see some wild lightning, and then turn around.

Now, there is something curious about this road. It is very dark. It is unusually dark, but this lightning is providing some flashes.

And now I have to stop the car. I put it in park, but do not shut it off. There is something in the road. It seems to be a house? A metallic house, sort of temporary looking. There was some kind of road work going on during the day, apparently, and this is some kind of shelter.

Only it is very unusual. And this is when I start to become very curious. It seems to be on legs, it is... conical? Maybe. There appear to be some figures moving near it, but it is almost like I cannot focus on these or this structure.

And now I become very very afraid. So afraid, in fact, that I cannot move. This is not a natural fear, it seems like it is so strong and so unreasonable as to have been "generated". What I try to do is to move my arm to grab the gearshift, to go into reverse, but I cannot. In fact, the harder I try to move, the more I become afraid. My chest and shoulders felt like they were being squeezed with fear.

I cannot make any noises, and then someone approaches the car. As I view this person, I think two things: this is a very ugly person, and this person is totally in control of the situtation.

The person is short, with dark skin, but not a 'natural' dark skin tone, more of a dusty brown. The complexion of the face is best described as "stewed prune", sort of mis-shapen, and the eyes are the most prominent feature.

The eyes have yellow irises but round pupils. They remind me of a Weimaraner's. The irises, and the eyes, are large in comparison to the person's head. The other features are unremarkable, but overall rather "grumpy" looking, again this "prunish" aspect. There are these dolls that are made out of dried small apples or crabapples, and the face looked very similar to one of these, but the eyes were intelligent and highly observant.

The person communicated with me, without using a voice, telling me that I was to roll down my car window. The fear changes character briefly, and I am able to move in order to do this, but once the window was rolled down, I was immobilized by the fear again. I realized that this was not all my fear, but an artifically amplified fear. In fact, the person tells me this is so, that I am correct in my thought, and there was even some technical explanation regarding the nature of the "fear field" that is being used, but it was beyond the scope of my understanding.

In this way, the person almost amiably demonstrates the extent to which it can read my thoughts, and to which it can convey information to me. This person seems to be trained in dealing with people like myself.

A couple of things start to compel me. I need to communicate more with the person and to also prove myself more, to assert my own identity. The person needs to do something, and is coaxing me into behaving in a manner that will allow it to perform it's (his? her?) function, communicating in a soft manner. I understand that if I cooperate that the fear will be "turned down". The mode of communication becomes very natural, very "in the moment" and comfortable. It also became clear that the "fear field" had a kind of feedback effect, it was stimulating, amplifying and "looping" the fear, and there was also more "natural" fear that I was feeling on my own.

The person seems to be between 4 and 5 feet tall. The reason the window was rolled down was so the person could take hold of my arm and examine it. The person is friendly, I am asking questions, but all of the answers are unclear, because I do not have sufficient cultural referents with which to effectively map the concepts in the explanations. In fact, the person is communicating with me in a way that demonstrates when it is communicating directly with me, it is using a sort of "babytalk voice", like one would use with a dog. When it wants to answer but not necessarily engage me in this more sing-song way of communicating (which seems to be taxing for him/her) it answers matter of factly, fluently and more technically.

One thing I find is that when I engage the person regarding religious concepts, that he/she has no real correlation. My thought is that the person will somehow exchange some common 'sunday school level' concepts with me, like The Golden Rule, which I convey a summary of, but he/she does not register any resonance with this. This person is trained in a technical capacity, and operating as such, and does not have any need or thoughts to share on these sorts of things.

The person has relaxed the "fear field" to the extent that I am feeling more in control. And so I make a move to throw the car into reverse.

The fear field comes on full force, stunningly paralyzing, and the person is clearly irritated with me. I am a bit ashamed of the betrayal, but I just had to assert some kind of control. The person has no such compunctions, however: the conversation was more of a pacifier for me, and less a kind of exchange of personal ideas between people with a mutual interest, even though that exchange is happening mind-to-mind in the most intimate and honest way imaginable. I sense the person is somewhat irritated with themselves, because after all I am a wild specimen which can behave unpredictably and it was maybe a mistake for the "handler" to become sloppy. However, this makes me now more ashamed and more determined to be regarded as not a wild animal but as a sentient being of equal stature. I convey an apology, and get in return the sense that there is some shared blame. I also get a sense, perhaps wishful thinking on my part, that there was some appreciation for the level of indirection needed to attempt the move while carrying on the exchange.

This wordless communication is very honest. When the answers come using terms and concepts that I cannot understand, it is not as an effort to deceive or conceal, it is just the most direct way to provide that answer.

My sense is that this mission is not intended to encounter humans, it is for some other purpose. But there is some manner of procedure that should occur when humans are encountered, and they are following this procedure.

There is one question and answer that I remember very clearly. I asked if I could go with the person, to travel in their ship. The reply was clearly a shocked "you don't know what you are asking, no you may not".

My sense was that I was asking for something that, even if within granting, would be horribly unpleasant and bad for me.

The person is done with the examination. It was limited to performing some kind of test on my left arm.

Now, I have to switch out of the present tense and into recollection. the entire exchange was much, much shorter than it takes to read this, I believe. However, while engaged in communication with this person, I had no sense of how much time was passing, so I cannot say for sure.

Another thing I cannot say for sure, but seem to recall dimly, was how I was allowed, and how I managed, to turn around on what was essentially a one lane gravel road and go back out the way I came. One thing that was made very clear was that I would be allowed to operate the car in order to leave, and if I attempted to return to go back towards the ship/structure, it would go badly for me. One reason for the stern rebuke was that I did have brief thoughts about driving my car into one of the struts of the structure/ship, an outlandish thought that I briefly considered would provide evidence of the whole thing. But I was warned sternly about any such attempt: the fear generator could be turned up abruptly and dangerously high.

What I recall then was driving out of the wooded area and back to the intersection with the paved, suburban development road. A very curious effect took hold, where I had some strong sense of immediacy to return to work because I would be missed, and at the same time I had a "something happened, but it wasn't important enough to worry about" attitude towards the whole exchange with the person who could communicate wordlessly. I believe these feelings/thoughts/compulsions was planted somehow as I drove away. I am thinking that driving the car also preoccupied my mind enough so that as I was leaving some suggestive thoughts were planted in a way I was completely unaware of, to ensure that I behaved appropriately.

This is as much as I can recount. There are details, technical details, that would normally interest me and which I don't have an explanation for being unable to recall. For example, the structure of the ship, the clothes and tools the person had, whether there were more of these people. I believe that the memory of these details where "fogged" at the same time and in much the same way as some thoughts seem to have been planted as I left. In other words, the sorts of details and information that would make the story more interesting to remember and tell were "smudged" or redacted, and also have the effect of rendering the story much less believable.

Now, to be completely above board about this: I have always been a science fiction fan. I had seen the "Close Encounters" movie with Richard Dreyfuss. I have since read and heard of "abductions" where the beings were smaller and had the more popularized alien face, willowy limbs and dark "sunglass lenses" type eyes. This being did not have that appearance. This being looked much more human, more like a differently formed human than a completely different species. Also, that something happened was absolutely the case. I got back to the restaurant and people were not happy with me, I had taken much too long, much longer than the delivery, a sidetrip, a brief stop and return trip would take. I don't recall the excuse I gave.

I also had a cut on my arm, the arm that had been examined. It was perfectly straight, about 2.5 inches long and 1/8" of an inch deep. It did not hurt, but it was bleeding.

So this is my recollection. I cannot prove it, am not particularly interested in reviewing it with other people who have had similar experiences, or being hypnotized to remember more, or any of that other stuff. I recount it because if I write it down I'm more "done" with it.

But, when the fear field was not operating strongly, I very much enjoyed communicating with that person and would very much like to do it again.