Friday, September 08, 2006

blogging...

I came across a blog that is written by someone i used to work with that I knew, and a blog written by someone else that still works where I used to work in a much different capacity, but who I did not know.

The someone I knew was, and judging from the blog, still is, almost utterly full of themselves. This person could take a breath of air at the beginning of a meeting, and not finish expelling it through their vocal cords until the end of the meeting, fully consuming the time of all concerned and accomplishing next to nothing. This person was two faced, self-serving and beetle-y-browed: this person had their agenda, and did not care about anything, including the truth unless it served the purpose of that agenda. Hmmm, wait-- "beetle-y browed" is not the right description: this person would look out from hollow eyes when confronted with the unexpected truth, with sort of dark circles under the eyes, eyes which would glaze over-- dull, dull as mud: as a zombie might-- a zombie to the agenda.

This person would revise history, unilaterally concoct descriptions of events and things that they did not participate in or understand in a way that would serve that agenda. Most frustrating, this person was supposed to have an engineering degree, but did not seem to understand scientific method, or at least hold it worth pursing, in which a theory should be proved before acting upon it based on the gathering of data which may have a generally high cost: that it is not enough to make a choice that affects a population because it serves your agenda because you can get away with it, but that you need data to support that choice and to understand the nature of the problem, which may come at a cost but which ultimately gains you full integrity. Of course, you need to want integrity before you seek it, and now I see how it all fits.

The second person who I don't know, an embittered and petty complainer, who may well be operating their site of bitter and petty complaints about the company they work in as an attempt to ferret out ex-employees of this company who might be disgruntled, described working a company in which people like the one I just described reign supreme.

So it strikes me how happy I am to no longer be working there, and how sad I am to have wasted the time. It wouldn't have been so bad if that company had not made it seem like one of their main things was to improve the world, rather than to continue to bolster up their executive branch, which survives by lopping off the other limbs.

I can understand that when you make money, it makes you feel like you are doing the right thing-- not just money, but achieve 'success', and that the success is somehow a 'reward' for that good thing, for *you* being good, in more ways than just compensation for well executed work or solid planning: you may believe that it justifies you, even if you are really, utterly self serving and don't really want to know anything new, make anything new, or help anyone else make or know anything new.

But it does not, and it never will, because you cannot escape from it if you've allowed yourself to become that way, the agenda zombie-- and if you could, you would see that you are the ultimate loser.